3 years

Today is my Mama's 3 year anniversary since she's been home with Jesus. When I woke up this morning I was just thinking of all the things I've gone through in the past 3 years without her by my side and I've been through some vallies, and now on this mountain top, all without her tangibly present. And then I got to thinking of all the things that are still yet to come, like getting a boyfriend who turns into my fiance, then into a life long lover with babies and then grandbabies. All these things without the guidance and love of my Mother. But, I thank God I had her for 19 years. Even though our time together ended abruptly and I feel as if we were just starting to get to know each other, all the life long lessons she taught me, especially on the heart of Christ and how to love and be loved, are still with me, because I have the Source of her lessons she knew so well, I have the Heart of the beat she knew so well, because He is inside of me. Everything she taught me, what little it was, is progressively becoming something so much deeper and richer than it was 3 years ago. The closer I get to the heart of God, the more He buries me under His mothering and fathering heart, the more I feel I know my Mom and the heart lessons she knew so well. It's pretty awesome that God can take such unbearable pain and turn all my ashes into beauty. He's so creative. What was such a blurred image of Him is turning into a clearer and more vivid reflection every day. I love His faithfulness. He will never leave me or neglect me, and He will not leave me as an orphan, nor make me feel like one. His heart is so huge. He has been teaching me about the Father heart of His. Here in Mozambique, if your Mom dies, and even if you still have a father on earth, they automatically become an orphan. But I know He wants to change that. Today as I was reading down here by the Indian Ocean on my lovely day off from chaos and schedules, I was watching this man walk into a hotel with his son, and was surprised at how surprised I was to see it. It's rare here to see a father being a father to his son. But I know God wants to raise up fathers here in the heart of Africa, and even in America, for men to walk into their calling as sons of men, and fathers of sons. Today my prayer is for the fatherless. God is such an amazing Daddy. He put this vision in my head last week....Him and I on the couch of His sovereignty, with Him wrapping a HUGE warm blanket of His love around my shoulders with Him inside the blanket as well, sitting by the fire of His holiness. I cried...wept...when I saw the picture in my mind of His fierce jealous all consuming love for me. I am His favorite one. And the King is enthralled with my beauty.

I love you all. Pray for my family today. So much restoration is in place as God is rebuilding our walls. He also told me 2 weeks ago that He was rebuilding the walls of my heart, and then revealed this verse to me that confirmed what He said...

Zechariah 2:5 - And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the LORD, and I will be the glory in her midst.